I am the owner of a revocable living trust, which I set up to protect my estate for my family. In the time just before I created my trust, I was caught up in the middle of a family member’s probate case who had not thought ahead and had no plan. Sitting in probate court, I also watched other cases where family members were fighting in front of the judge over their loved one’s estates. I knew I had to do this trust and I knew why. I wanted peace of mind that I could leave behind my estate for my family without any problems. In my estate, I have many historical pieces and I do not want any arguing about who gets them when I am no longer here to enjoy them. I really do not want my family to argue at all when I am gone. I am Irish. In keeping with our heritage, I want there to be a major celebration with everyone included. It took a little bit of effort on my own behalf, but I’m thankful for my attorney who did most of the living trust paperwork. It then came time for me to have that difficult discussion with my family. Not many people are comfortable discussing the lives of others before they have died. I surely didn’t want to have this conversation, but I knew it was one that had to be done.
Before our talk, I created a list of topics in order to cover all aspects of my wishes and that they understood what my lawyer had created. The first thing I did was set the stage for the conversation. I brought my loved ones together. My entire family. I felt I needed to be with them face-to-face and let them voice any of their concerns together as a group. I wanted to make sure there would be few distractions during the conversation and decided to have them over for a lunch. After lunch, I had us move into the family room where we could all be comfortable. Once everyone was situated, I started the conversation. I didn’t know how to start it, but ended up simply saying,
“I want to talk about protecting you all when I am gone”.
I began with the section of the trust that named my successor trustees. These are the people who will handle the distribution of my estate when I am gone. I made specific instructions in the trust so that they didn’t have to guess at what I was thinking. Next, I named the beneficiaries. These are the people who will inherit my estate. I decided not to discuss the amounts I would be leaving to each beneficiary since with the living trust, I am free to amend it at any time in the future. My goal up front was to make sure they understood their roles in my trust as either a successor trustee and/or as a beneficiary.
I then led the discussion into my specific gifts to various charities. As I said above, I have several historical pieces I have collected in my life, and I have charities named in my trust to receive them when I am gone. I brought this up so that everyone in the room was clear about what I wanted for these charities and why I chose them. I wanted to make sure that no one was confused by my actions. Some were a little disappointed at my list, but in the end and as a group they all accepted my wishes.
The next topic of my estate plan was a little harder to handle. Incompetency and my end-of-life instructions. In my estate plan, my lawyer had drawn up powers of attorney in case I become unable to take care of myself. She created both a financial and a healthcare power of attorney. In these two documents, I chose the “agents” who I wanted to make these types of decisions for myself if I couldn’t. These powers were actually well received by my family. Everyone remembered when their grandmother had named me as her healthcare power of attorney agent. I was able to take her to the doctor and have the doctor include me in her medical care decisions. In being the healthcare agent, I was also the one who followed her advanced directive as to how she wanted her life to end. This was all part of her written estate plan, and in our discussion in my home, I wanted my family to see that if I ever become incapacitated, they will be able to make decisions for me just as I had for their grandmother.
As the conversation went forward that day, I also brought up an important list of things my lawyer suggested I include in the estate plan. My estate plan documents came in a three-ring binder with pockets on the front and back covers. I placed a large envelope for my successor trustees in the back pocket. In that envelope, I placed my birth certificate. I was born overseas when my dad was in the army, so I have both a foreign birth certificate and a U.S. State Department document. Both are important. I also included a list of my creditors (credit cards and lenders, etc.) and their contact information. I added separate lists for my insurance companies, bank accounts, and for each retirement account. Lastly, I placed a list of each safe I own and the combinations for them. My family really appreciated I had made the effort to organize all this for them and where they could be found when the time comes.
The truth about having this conversation with my family was that it was hard at the start. There were some rough spots in the conversation. But, in the end, my final wishes are known to everyone and everyone will be on the same team when I pass. If you’re considering an estate plan, you should definitely watch this 45-minute video. It gives a great overview as to how a living trust works, and how to obtain one at a low flat fee price of only $599. That price includes working in consultation with a very experienced attorney and even the notary fee is included when the documents are signed and executed. You can watch right now in the comfort of your own home by simply
Watch Our FREE Educational Webinar
Learn How To Obain an Affordable Living Trust for $599 + BONUSES
– OR –
This area of the website is for informational purposes only. The content is not legal advice. The statements and opinions are the expression of the author, not of the National Association of Family Services, and have not been evaluated by the National Association of Family Services for accuracy, completeness, or changes in the law.
